Thursday, June 16, 2005

It's really hit home

I have recently hit a roadblock both mentally and physically here in Albany. There's something quite disturbing occurring. It's not the fact that Richard Gere stopped in at Proctor's Theatre and now my three hampster's are missing. I can deal w/ the fact my father just admitted to me I was entered into NAMBLA (North American Man-Boy Love Association) at the age of 7; which indirectly explains why I had 16 "uncles" whom all happened to give me lessons on the skin flute. I can even live w/ the fact that Albany just may have the highest fat-pig to normal person ratio (36 fat, heinous, sloppy-loads to every 1 normal person under 230lbs). Inadvertantly, this brings us to the problem at hand: Camel Toe. While this affliction does victimize men, it seems mostly attracted to natsy looking women. Quite simply, I don't know how some of these people leave thier homes in the morning knowing full well thier out-of-style pants are dividing thier crotch like the Panama canal. Just to get out of thier pants, I'm almost sure some of these dick-clowns have zippers that extend right through the grundel and ass region and only end when the zipper hits the belt buckle in the back. Can it be comfortable to walk, or should I say waddle around all day with your jeans sucked so deep inside you while those same pants are still struggling to hold back that avalanche of flesh known as a FUPA? Not to mention these same people, who look like they just fell on a tightrope, will look you right in the eye and converse w/ you as if nothing was wrong. Yeah lady, let's talk about the weather when the only forecast I can see calls for a total eclipse of your uterus due to a tsunami of fabric flooding your already crowded hen's nest. When I'm trying to eat at a restaurant (I only patronize the Olive Garden or Chatch-kee's) the last thing I need to see is some glutton's camel toe bent like a dog-leg at the 8th hole on Pebble Beach. While no one is safe from the occasional camel toe, ignorance is certainly not bliss. This problem must be stopped. If you do not know what a camel toe is, then you probably have one right now. If that is the case, then fuck you. Get some self respect.

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